Musikertalk.com

Fall into oblivion (In Vergessenheit geraten)

Verse 1 :
Yes we had a good time,
We were a heart and a soul
And I always was thinking 'bout you you know
But it doesn't care anymore

Bridge:
I always was there for you
And you for me,
But now everything's over
'cause you changed your mind

Chorus :
It doesn't matter now, if you're there or not
My life is so perfect without you
I was really strong in love with you
But now my life's so much better
It doesn't matter now, if you're there or not
My life is so perfect without you
I was really strong in love with you
But now my life's so much better without you

Verse 2:
"Now I'm free and I've no troubles anymore"
This were my first thoughts days later
Now I know I wasn't good enough for you
And we're not like soulmates anymore.

Chorus

Verse 3:
Later I noticed that you was the best for me
and tried to get you back
But unfortunately it isn't so easy
and everything's over, isn't it? Destiny....

Chorus



Verbesserungen??????

Mal eine Frage... .was meinst Du mit "it does not care anymore"... ???? Meinst Du nicht eventuell "matter"???

_________________
Bodies in the Courtyard, Skin on Skin
They lost their lifes, what were they dying for?
Bodies asked when did the war begin?
What was your dream? What were you lying for?

Oh stimmt!!
Vielen Dank
Liebe Grüße!!
Claudi ♥

"I always was there for you"
Der Satz klingt auch etwas komisch

_________________
NEUES ALBUM Ein Tonträger Namens Rambazamba draussen!

listen to me at myspace: www.myspace.com/liedermachertoszi

"always" kommt nach dem Verb: I was always there, thinking, whatever.

Aber das macht den Text auch ned besser viel besser. Ist halt ein Runterbeten des 08/15-Schemas "Du hast mich verlassen aber ohne dich bin ich eh viel besser dran". Versuche, sprachlich aussagekräftigere Bilder zu entwickeln. Wenn du das in Englisch nicht schaffst, schreib in Deutsch.

Lei lei,
obi

Wahnkenobi ist wieder da *froy*


Lei Lei...

mela

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Bodies in the Courtyard, Skin on Skin
They lost their lifes, what were they dying for?
Bodies asked when did the war begin?
What was your dream? What were you lying for?

ich muss mich wahnkenobi anschließen...

auch wenn die grammatik richtig wäre...

ist halt typischer pop song. sowas kann man zwar vielleicht gut als lückenfüller nehmen aber es gibt bessere.

man muss allerdings auch sagen das es dein erster song ist.
und dann muss ich zugeben das mein erster auch nicht viel besser war.


mfg steve

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They Say We'll Rot In Hell
But I Don't Think We Will
They Branded Us Long Enough
Outlaws Of Love

mal davon abgesehen gehört da eigentlich "I've always been there for you"

also wenn einem schon was auffallen sollte, dann DAS...bei unbestimmtem zeitpunkt in der vergangenheit am besten present perfect nehmen, in der schule macht man das auch mit signalwörtern wie always, never, ever, just....

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http://www.gardenofgrief.at.vu